textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
