Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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