i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
