Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
