i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
