Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
