You don't have asthma, your pregnant
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
