He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
