Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
