ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
