I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
