Pappa wants mamma naked
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
