Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
