you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
