I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
