you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
