Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
