I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I have fence marks all over my body
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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