I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
as a side note pls kill me
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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