Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
