i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize