she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
