yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
