he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
