and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
