You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
