Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
