I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
