how hairy? two words: wookie tits
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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