hell yes lets make some ravioli
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
