We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
