i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
