You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
