that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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