dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
