Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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