it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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