I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
