yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Tornado booty call.. dedication
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
