Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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