Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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