Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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