You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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