I faked an abortion last night.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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