this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
