I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
