Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
