I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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