I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
