How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
