If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
