Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
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