Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think your dad took our porno
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
