I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
