So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
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