i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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