I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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