I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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