Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
