Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
