he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
