He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
