Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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