wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
