made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
These tits shall not be calmed
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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