I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
