6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize