tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
