i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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