Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
