The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
