oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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