Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
